Darkness

When darkness comes it consumes you. It is overwhelming and powerful. It is an amazing feeling. I love the thrill of being in darkness. I don't even fight it. I welcome it. I close my eyes and let it engulf me like a blanket. Being here allows me to be alone. It allows me to be something that I am not. Something different and I like it. Sometimes I catch myself sitting in a corner in a dark room just so I can feel the darkness around me. I curl my legs into my chest and just breathe. I love the escape that darkness gives me. It allows me to heal the pain. The pain of being in the light. Darkness has no rules. No limitations. I can't tell you how amazing that freedom is. I can be open with my secrets in my darkness. I can reach down deep inside and pull them out not having to worry about anyone seeing them. I can place them on the wall like photos and and keep them out of sight of others. These are things I don't share with others. They are mine and I am selfish. I don't want anyone to live with what I lived through. So I store my secrets here, in the darkness. That is why I feel so comfortable there. It is easier to go there then to share what my secrets are. I used to fight the darkness because I didn't understand it. It is easier to go there now and I don't have to fight it. When in the light my darkness follows me like a shadow just waiting for me to enter it. It never leaves my side. It is always there to take me when I need to get away. I don't know how I got this way but I don't want to change. I have a connection to this place. I will never fight again. I have noticed that I spend more time in the darkness now. The light is becoming less and less attractive to me. I don't see the point of it. It smothers me and I can't handle it. The light makes my pain real. It cuts deep, deep down in me that I scream all the time. This is my escape, my comfort, my home and you can't take that away from me.